Archive | August, 2012

Off Topic Friday – I Too Cans Speak English

31 Aug

After a long day of thinking about it I have decided to take Friday’s off from mommy-hood  and write about my life in general here in my 3rd World Country. Don’t worry, I’m not locking Peter away in a cabinet as I write this (He doesn’t fit anymore). I guess I just want to be honest in all aspects of my life and not just motherhood. So here goes my first confession:  English is my second language. I studied it all through High School  but never really had the need to use it. So this is me asking you to forgive me if I ever mess up my Their, There’s, They’re.


In return for your patience I will try to do my best to  teach you some Spanish.   Here’s a first lesson…


feliz navidad



You’re welcome.


The Whole 9 Months (Part 2)

30 Aug

So where was I? Oh yes. 29 weeks pregnant, huge belly, running around Vegas.

All went well in Vegas, and thankfully the Baby that went to Vegas didn’t stay in Vegas. The day we left Vegas we took a flight to Miami to do some serious Baby Shopping. Where I live there aren’t many baby stores (thank you global economy and 3rd world countries), Everything was going according to plan. The shopping would be done in two days and we would go back home no problem. That is until I went to the toilet after the 6 Hour plane ride and realized there was something wrong with the baby. And before you start wondering what happened I’ll say it once for the sake of the story. There was some considerable bleeding. Considerable enough to call my travel insurance so that they’d tell me where to go. Only they didn’t tell me where to go. The telephone conversation went more like this: I’m sorry how many weeks pregnant are you? 29 weeks one day? Oh ok (Long silence). Yes sorry, so maybe you didn’t read the (ridiculous) small print in the contract, but we only cover pregnancy emergencies until the 28th week, so you are 2 days past our policy. Yes. So, goodbye. Click. Me? Panic!

I immediately called my doctor and she told me I had to go to the hospital no matter what, there was no other way around it. Since I hadn’t experienced any problems until that day she told me I had to have it checked out. So we searched online (I cried more than googled, Phillip took over and looked for a clinic with a level 3 NICU) and off to the clinic we went. No insurance, no nothing. We arrived to this perfectly beautiful bay side building (keep in mind I’m a 3rd World Mommy and being sick away from home for me  almost always entails some horrid experience), so we were pleasantly surprised to be entering such a nice place. The pleasant surprise came to an end when we realized that the better the hospital, the bigger the bill. As soon as we entered we were taken immediately to Labor and Delivery. Everyone was so nice, they gave us room with a view of the ocean, it would have been perfect except for the fact that we would be paying for everything and had no idea how much the amenities would cost us. And of course there was nothing we could do. We had to make sure Peter was alright. The head nurse (sweetest person ever) came in and strapped the heart monitor around me and told me to hold still. I did. She came back 30 minutes later with a Peter update: I was having contractions, Peter was Ok but he was too small to make it on his own and if he was to be born he would require a long stay in the NICU.  

Peter was Ok. That was the most important thing. We were told to wait for the Doctor. We waited for an hour for him to come by. We spent the whole hour making bets on what Peter’s adventure would cost us. Our own million dollar baby. We were scared of what would happen, but there was NOTHING we could do. We couldn’t leave, Peter’s well being was our priority.  The Dr. finally came in, he checked us, and ordered all types of exams (Get them done, add to the bill). After a whole day of exams and several shots (Including steroids for his lungs)  we were told Peter was not going to be born just yet. They had caught him on time (Wohooo Peter!!). The Dr. was clear about the fact that I had to stay in Miami for at least 2 days in bed, travel home and stay in bed until it was time for Peter to be born. So after two days we got a on a plane and came home.

The next day we went to the Doctor, she confirmed everything that we were told in Miami, and so the Long Bed Rest Adventure Began. Peter would  prove to be a stubborn baby from the start.           


The Whole 9 Months (Part 1)

28 Aug

I was married for two years before we finally decided to have a baby, I thought it was only fair for the baby for his parents to have a real go at marriage before bringing in him in to the mayhem. I am a child of divorce myself, and although I’m used to it by now, it still doesn’t seem fair that I have to struggle on B-days, Graduations, Christmases, etc. So when the “two year trial” was over we started trying. I was determined to have a baby as quickly as possible, so against my doctors orders (she though it would ruin the romance and excitement of the whole experience) I used the Happy Face Opks, and Boom what do you know, two tries later we were looking at a positive Home pregnancy test. I was happy, ecstatic, but I was also a little nervous. Um, I didn’t expect it to happen so fast. I had prepared myself for a 6 month trying period. So it took me a little of base, crazy right? A totally planned pregnancy, and there I was nervous and unprepared. Thankfully the nervousness lasted only a few days, it was replaced by this huge never felt before love for the little person living inside of me, a love followed closely by  the fear of something going wrong.

The first 12 weeks were a source of constant worry for me, I was afraid of miscarrying and the fact that I read all these stories online certainly didn’t help. I am to this day a walking encyclopedia of pregnancy complications (Later while on bed rest I would complement pregnancy knowledge with labor knowledge courtesy of “One born every minute” by watching a daily episode). I took it one day at a time, and when the first trimester was over and the threat of miscarrying was gone, the fear was replaced by fetal length measurements, amniotic fluid levels and placental age.

But alas all went well in the land of pregnancy. No morning sickness, no mood swings, no nothing. I was one of the lucky ones. Right? Oh how wrong I was. After 6 months of perfect pregnancy, we went to Vegas for New Years day (A trip planned Pre-Pregnancy). It took us 2 Planes and 14 hours to get there. I was so big with a 6/7 month old belly that when I first entered the U.S, the customs officer actually asked me if the reason for my trip was to have my baby in the U.S illegally! I should have told him not only was I planning to have an “Anchor Baby” I was also probably gonna bet him in Vegas if I ran out of money. But U.S Visa you are hard to get, I kept my mouth shut and off to Vegas it was.

Since I had such an uneventful pregnancy I thought it was wise to abuse my body and walk all through Vegas all day and night long. Peter of course had other plans for us.

Here we go.. Peter is born

28 Aug

I must be honest now. The reason I’ve decided to start this blog is simple: Motherhood and I had a rough start, I struggled A LOT at first. I was terrified of having Postpartum Depression. It was a never ending loop of shame and fear. I asked for help in all the right places aka Husband, Friends, Family, Nurses, Doctors. And even though everyone told me that what I was feeling was normal (specially due to the fact that Peter and I almost died (more on that later) ) I still felt their words weren’t honest, that they were just being condescending, and that I was  basically loosing my mind. It wasn’t until I talked to another recent new mother that I calmed down, I begun to understand what was going on, that it was normal, and I finally got to make peace with what I was feeling. As soon as I talked to this angel of a mother, I felt better, less scared and most importantly I felt a huge weight being lifted from my shoulders: The weight of motherhood shame.

This person really made a difference, she wasn’t even a close friend, but she was so honest, her words really hit home. She saved my relationship with Peter and for that I’m eternally grateful. You see, I had talked to other new mothers about what I was feeling, I asked about how they bonded with their own babies, their mood, their anxiousness, and this is the answer I got: Loved him/her since the first time I saw them, rainbows and butterflies flew across the room, couldn’t be happier or more secure about this little change in my life. Me?: In my mind I believed I loved him right?, I was sad but not about anything specific, It was a life changing event only I didn’t want my life to change, are you sure he wants to eat again? Oh yeah by the way: I’m a monster, the worst mother in the world, is this how I will feel about motherhood forever? Welcome to the loop of fear and shame. Yet this mom was so honest about her own struggles, she didn’t have to, but she spoke to me for about an hour. She was patient and sweet and she listened and spoke her truth.   She’s the reason I started this blog. I believe in paying it forward. My only hope is that someday a new mother will read this blog, feel identified and most importantly, understood.

This I will promise about my blog: There will be tears, both Happy and Sad and I will be brutally honest about them all. Here’s hoping you stick around!!